Tears
by Beatle Bun
Summary: Blaine hates Kurt's tears.


You like him the very first time you see him. He has perfect bone structure and his voice sounds angelic, even when he only talks. You can only imagine how he must sound like singing, though if you believe your sources he is more talented than any of the Warblers.

You hate the tears streaming down his face when he tells you about his problems at school, you feel like punching the guy he is talking about, you want to protect him all the time. He is so small and fragile and he does not deserve any of the things that come to him.

Of course you do not know him very well and you do not know exactly what is going on between him and this bully, but when he calls you and tells you his bully kissed him you skip class and drive up to Lima within an hour.  
You already dislike what this boy is doing to you; you had never broken speed limit before. But you need to get to him, he needs your guidance and you cannot back out now. The boy is counting on you.

You know your plan has flaws, but there is nothing better you can think of. He thanks you about a million times for coming and you feel somewhat better. You like this boy and you like everything about him, how he looks, the way he talks, you even catch yourself on trying to get close enough so you can remember his smell.

Then he recognizes the bully and you talk to him. You tell him he is not alone and he shoves you into a fence. The boy saves you, though you were pretty sure he would have let you go on his own. The boy starts to cry again and you are slightly annoyed. He might be beautiful and everything, he sure can whine and you simply hate the tears on his cheeks.

When he tells you he has never been kissed before you fight the urge to kiss him right there on the stairs you two are sitting on and you decide to take him out to lunch.  
After that day the two of you see more and more of each other and it confuses you. You sure like the boy, he smells like lavender and Hugo Boss perfume and he dresses so well, he really knows what suits him and a shock goes through your system every time you see him.

There are things you dislike, though, things that are mostly not the do with the boy himself but the effect he has on you.  
You realize that you disliked his so called whining because it is something you never did, something you were never able to do.  
He had let his walls come down the very first time he saw you, and you realize he has the same effect on you. When you are with him you find yourself laughing, and you mean it.

You find yourself talking openly about Vogue magazine and you find yourself saying stuff that you would never say at school. You are not the sophisticated, dapper Private Schoolboy when you are with him. You are the boy you were before you transferred to Dalton.

That is why it scares you to death when he announces he is coming to Dalton. You pretend to be happy for him, you became his mentor after all and you know he is in love with you.  
How could he not be? You know it sounds arrogant, but you realize what you are to him. The slightly older, o so wise mentor. Except you are not, not wise.  
You are way too deep into this and the boy has no idea. The boy has been knocking down your walls of pretences and now he is coming to your school, where your walls were still standing strong up until this very moment.

He might make you lose everything you have reached so far. You know he will never blend in the way you do, and he might rip off your mask when he is here.  
You know he is probably going to hate having to wear the same outfit every single day.

Yet, you tell him you are looking forward to him coming and you mean it. You tell him that you are looking forward hanging out in one of your dorms and you mean it, but you do not tell him that you will probably hardly ever speak to him in the hallways and you do not tell him that you will only have a formal role in being a fellow Warbler. You leave those things out because they hurt. They would hurt both of you and you feel it is better to only let one of you hurt until he notices.

But he does not notice, not at all. He has different classes than you and he makes friends quick. He spends lunch and dinner with them and then he comes up to your dorm.  
It goes like that every night and you like it, it feels like a relieve when he is around. When he is around you feel how much those walls you build weigh. It literally feels like there falls a burden off your shoulders, when the walls tumble down.  
Every time he falls asleep on your bed before the movie ends you pinch yourself, thinking you must be dreaming to have such a beautiful person in your bed.

When you win sectionals the council decides to give him a solo and after you beat Vocal Adrenaline and New Directions at regionals, you kiss him.  
Simple and plain as that. All your walls came down when you saw how struck he was by the news. The You that attended a private school disappeared, that boy would have never kissed someone on stage.

From that day on the two of you are together. Though you feel naked when around him, you now eat lunch and dinner with him. The two of you make out every chance you get and you often tell him to take it slow.

You both are virgins and you still are sophisticated, even if you are able to let loose a little now. It just feels wrong to have sex so soon, though you do dream about it day in day out.  
One night he tells you to just let loose a little and it slightly hurts your feelings, he really has no idea how much you are letting loose already.  
Then he says you both are normal teenage boys with hormones rushing through your bodies and he is right. You do not want to let him down and the two of you have sex.  
He gasps out in pain when you enter him and tears stream down his face, you kiss the tears you hate so much away and whisper you love him through the whole thing, though you are not sure if you mean it.

Your friends see less and less of your as from that moment. All you do is find time together to have sex. Sex with the boy is amazing, when it is his first time to enter you he does the exact same thing you did. He kisses away your tears and tells you that he loves you, and you are sure he means it.

The two of you do nothing else than have sex, and you feel guilty because he tells you he loves you every single time.  
You do not love him, not anymore. You realize you loved him before you had sex, but now it is just about sex. He does not seem to see the difference and you cannot bring yourself to tell him.  
The butterflies are gone from your stomach and the shock you used to feel when you saw him disappeared.  
You do not want to hurt him, for you still hate his tears, so every time you see him you avoid his eyes, his pretty green eyes.

One day he yells at you. He says he does not know you anymore and he breaks up with you. A gaping hole is left in your stomach.  
This was not what was supposed to happen. You did not love him, but you had grown attached to him. Life without him feels empty.

Not that you have much time to think about it, he still has a year of high school left when you go off to college.  
The two of you do not speak. You keep an eye on his Facebook page, especially on his relationship status, which remains single.  
You fool around with some boys at college, but you always feel empty after sex. You never felt empty after sex with the younger boy. It meant something when you were with him.

Nightmares haunt you, you dream he chases you. Every single night you wake up feeling like you have run a marathon. His voice echoes in your head, you hear his hurting words and you cry like a baby each night.  
You know your roommate hears you, but he never mentions it. He only looks at you like you are crazy and you start to believe him.

One night he crawls into your bed when you are crying and without asking you, without any indication of you wanting to do so, he fucks you.  
It hurts and you cry harder, but you do not tell him to stop. You feel like you deserve it. You know he will stop if you would ask him, he is not a rapist, but you do not ask him.  
You have hurt the young boy and this is payback.

Only, your roommate does not kiss your tears away the way the young boy used to do. He does not tell you he loves you and he does not speak to you in the morning when the two of you wake up naked together.

He does not speak to you, period.

He looks at you like you are dirt and every night he treats you like dirt. It becomes a routine and he is the first boy you have sex with more than once, after your young mentee.  
The gaping hole the younger boy left keeps getting bigger and bigger with every time your roommate enters you.

He never lets you have your pleasure, he only thinks about himself. You hate yourself for letting him, but you never hate him. You do not hate the disgusting looks he throws at you, or the fact he calls you a whore when he comes.

Then he leaves, he disappears into nowhere. His facebook page is deleted, if you Google him his name is nowhere to be found and no one on campus even knows who he is, he was the quiet type with no friends.  
The gaping hole in your stomach has reached its max and you do not see where your life is going.  
You send a letter to the younger boy, telling him you will jump off the campus building on your special day, three years after the two of you became one. Three years after the two of you had sex for the very first time.

You are planning on going through with it, at least you tell yourself you are. What you do not know is that you subconsciously want to be saved.  
Subconsciously you choose to tell the younger boy about your plans, because only if he would still want to be with you, you see a point in living. You do not expect him to show up, so you are sure you are going to die tomorrow.

You are standing on the edge of the roof, looking down at a group of people who are all looking up at you, hands over their mouths. They all know they are going to witness you jump of the building and they scream, they yell you should not do it, but you cannot hear them. They are too far away.

Then you hear it. His voice. And he is reading out your letter. You do not dare to turn around, you are afraid you will see the tears you hate so much. You are afraid you will run to him and start kissing the tears away and that is not what he wants. Then you would be as bad as your former roommate, as bad as his bully. Doing something without knowing if the other is okay with it

He asks you to not kill yourself. No, he does not ask you, he begs you. You crack, take a step back and collapse. You scream in agony, you tell him your life is pointless without him and he holds you. He kisses your gelled hair and you feel the tears you hate so much.  
He tells you he does not see how a future with you would work, but that he misses you.  
He tells you he never stopped loving you and you realize you still do not love him. You do not tell him, because he is here now and it feels good.

The two of you try to make it work, but you do not have sex. Ever. Every time you get close, you get visions of your roommate, and you black out. You wonder if you are ever going to be able to have sex again, but you do not know.  
It does give the two of you the time to build something real, though, and the times where you used to flee in sex, you now have time to bond.

You notice that this time around you kiss him when you want to kiss him, not when you want to avoid answering his questions.  
He often spends the night in your dorm and one morning you wake up and look at him, you say it.

You tell him you love him and to your own shock, you mean it.

He tells you he knew all along you were struggling and once more, the two of you cry. This time you do not hate the tears, because they are happy tears.

These tears mean there is a chance the two of you could be happy and you do not kiss them away. This time you see that watery eyes make his green eyes even greener, and all you can do is look into those beautiful green mirrors of his soul.


End file.
